Category Archives: Comedy

Everything Everywhere. Fuck you.

Posted on March 7, 2013 by

I have been brand loyal to Orange for many years, dating back to before mobulls (Baconese) were invented and we used to have to throw children into raw sewage to get messages to loved ones across The Thames to arrange … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Mobile | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

The Plight of Liv Tyler’s Hair.

Posted on May 5, 2012 by

Liv Tyler gazes out at me from her minimalist, luxury apartment. I pause, my heart races, she begins, “Look what I’ve put my hair through.” Those seven words shatter my soul like a crystal rose and I begin to sob … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Television, Women | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Easter & Fitness

Posted on April 9, 2012 by

Practicing the dark art of obsessive compulsive narcissism affords me the sort of self-appointed expertise on health & fitness often found at the bottom of every DVD bargain bin in most supermarkets by the likes of her that used to be … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Diet, Fitness, Health | Leave a comment

From Russia With Love

Posted on February 1, 2012 by

Heart-wrenching email received from a beautiful Russian temptress – she has not replied to my response below? Hmm… From:   “Yuliya” <medionk@tucano.it> To:     <matt*******@*********.co.uk> Date:   01/02/2012 11:40 Subject:        POTENTIAL SPAM:  Hi my new friend. … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Middle Age, Sex | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

A Guide to Enjoying Twitter.

Posted on January 16, 2012 by

_._get___ ________ _yourself  

Posted in Comedy, Social Media, Twitter | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

So long, Steve Jobs. And thanks for the…

Posted on October 9, 2011 by

Many years ago, back when computers were made of oak and the Internet was a minority sport, we all relied on hard copy for most of our pleasures. We all read our newspapers and got inky fingers. We all mounted … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Sex, Twitter | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The worst driver on Britain’s roads is…

Posted on September 20, 2011 by

Let us be clear. On your drive to work this morning you made 2,416 basic driver errors that resulted in you being called a “[pre-fix redacted] twat” and ensuring that at least 4 people were late for their work – … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Driving, Motoring | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

@CharlieSheeny is a joke stealing twat.

Posted on March 26, 2011 by

On February 3rd, 2011 @Julian_Ass found a wallet…             On March 25th, 2011 @CharlieSheeny found another wallet… Coincidence, or joke-stealing thievery of the highest order from a massive prick spoofing a massive prick? You decide.

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10 O’Clock Live needs to laugh, at itself.

Posted on January 29, 2011 by

As I sit here pondering the big questions of the day in my pants, with a bath ready and waiting that is getting increasingly tepid like some cruel metaphor, a bolt of realisation crunched into my headholes. It’s completely unimportant, … Continue reading →

Posted in Comedy, Politics, Television | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Funny ethics?

Posted on January 2, 2011 by

I enjoy writing things that make me laugh. Awfully self-serving I know, however, if it makes other people laugh then it’s all good. In the same way a ‘glamour’ model gets off on ‘enthusiasts’ staring at her doing her thing, … Continue reading →

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