Twitter
- This is England. instagram.com/p/Zv0C29NJSf/ 8 hours ago
- Googled "what do you mix with Cinzano" and found this. Second comment is fucking genius. forums.anandtech.com/showthread.php… 10 hours ago
- Jesus! Sat watching Scooby Doo. Shit's gettin' kinky... http://t.co/fBOEAm1HUL 11 hours ago
- .@ 6 days ago
- If I didn't follow a shameless tweet thief I wouldn't have seen that last RT. Am I complicit? Who cares, it's only Twitter. 6 days ago
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Author Archives: @mattwhatsit
Maggie Thatcher looked a bit like my mum.
Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher looked a bit like my mum. The incendiary stance of not viscerally hating the former Prime Minister is as much born from unformed political opinion, a lack of experience at the business end of some the … Continue reading
Homelessness is not as sexy as it sounds.
I have been homeless three times. But here’s the thing; I didn’t know I was at the time. Homelessness, if you’ve never experienced it, is not always the anonymous person in the doorway of a shop or church. Sleeping bag … Continue reading
Everything Everywhere. Fuck you.
I have been brand loyal to Orange for many years, dating back to before mobulls (Baconese) were invented and we used to have to throw children into raw sewage to get messages to loved ones across The Thames to arrange … Continue reading
Me & Mrs Murphy
Many years ago, back in the mid-90s, I knocked on doors around Kent selling cable TV and telephone. I was bloody good at it. Renowned for ethical selling I was sent into lower income areas, which is where I knocked … Continue reading
Fuck me, it’s Terry Nutkins!
A hundred years ago, when I was at college in the late 1800s, before memes were thought of, me and a bunch of student pals would greet each other when walking into the boozer with a cry of, “FUCK ME, … Continue reading
Appeal for a charity.
Last year I completed an atypical self-absorbed act of mid-life crisis. Tough Mudder. It was the first time this particular event was held in the UK and purely by chance we were in the first group out. 12 miles and … Continue reading
Posted in Charity, Fitness, Health, Middle Age, Social Media, Twitter, UK
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Phonetic Alphabet: Draft 1.2
Alpha Balpha Cbomb DadadaDAAAA E😃 Foxtrot Gary Harry Iddybiddy Jew mmK? Laterz Mmmattersons Nipslip O.M.G. Pee Quickphit Rararasputinrussiasgreatestlovemachine Symbol Thimble Upskirt Vga Why Xmen Yohwhy Zsdeadbabyzedsdead
How to Unfollow and Influence People
Never comment on Twitter on Twitter. Just about the only ‘rule’ – completely self-applied – I adhere to on this marvelous little website. It keeps me off the well-trodden path of tweets that are posted just for the sake of … Continue reading
The Death of Tim Skittles
Fuck Joel. Fuck the slimy bint chiming “Hey, Tim. Show Joel how everything you touch turns to Skittles.” Although we do need to consider a few glaring problems with the whole set up if we are to believe that everything … Continue reading
The Plight of Liv Tyler’s Hair.
Liv Tyler gazes out at me from her minimalist, luxury apartment. I pause, my heart races, she begins, “Look what I’ve put my hair through.” Those seven words shatter my soul like a crystal rose and I begin to sob … Continue reading
